Ai-sensei.

Love. It's a strange topic, isn't it? It can be described with so many words. It can make you feel happy, jealous, mad, frustrated, sad, lonely and even forgotten.
The moment you find someone you love, you don't think you'll ever find anyone better and that this love will last forever. When it's gone you're left heartbroken and sure it was never meant to be. It's hard to understand how blind people can be.
I believe that it was always meant to be. No matter if it last forever or just for one day. Maybe love is a teacher rather than a feeling? When love deceives you, it teaches you to be more careful. When love is hard, it teaches you to be strong. When love is great, it teaches you to enjoy things.
Love today is somewhat a competition, it seems to me. Why do you have to count days and months of a relationship? Is it to confirm to everybody else that love is still standing by your door, even though it might have left someone else? Love never leaves. It just appears in different ways.
Has love taught me something? Yes it has. It taught me to be strong, never to give up and to always be myself. The reward comes when the fight is over.
What did it teach you?

Around the corner.

I didn't think I'd ever say this, but I want Christmas! I've never been a big fan of Christmas, since I think it's a bit overrated. The coercion to buy people gifts, receiving gifts without maybe deserving them and boring food hasn't interested me at all for quite some time now. One thing I really like with Christmas though, is making candy together with my family. Baking gingerbread, making toffee and weird marzipan figures makes me feel at ease somehow. And now that I look out my window all I can see is trees with the colours of autumn. The sky is gray and the wind is cold. Halloween is just nearby. But I want Christmas!
Though I'm afraid to say that the Christmas spirit will probably die before Christmas is even started. You can already see Christmas decorations everywhere and it's just sad. It makes it less special.
I like getting people gifts more than receiving. To give someone what they truly want and not just buy something "just because" you have to give them something. That's a very precious thing to me.

What about you? What do you think? Give or receive?

Hen omoimasu.

Don't you think it's weird how fast weeks and months passes by? It feels like we're all just sitting on a bus waiting for the right time to push the stop-button. Things happen in less than a second and is forgotten just the minute after.
And it's weird to think that feelings that were so gloomy this morning can be so bright and sparkling just one hour afterward. How come? Because no matter what friends are always there to support you, even though they might not know you feel bad. It's like we all have a built-in radar that tells others how we feel and automatically we start joking and laughing to prevent a bad atmosphere. What do you think??

I've got clay under some of my nails. It's not nice.

Next week is holiday for Halloween! Nice. I'm gonna cosplay Ash Ketchum. It'll be awesome. I'll recieve so much candy that everyone else will puke just by looking at it.
I don't like candy, so I'll probably give it all away.
Except from the chocolate, of course. Chocolate is fine.

Walk in my new shoes.

I feel so much better now. It seems like all I needed to do was meet up. That's it. Just meet up. The problems in my head flew out the window as soon as I saw your face. It felt nice. I'm glad I was able to laugh like I did today. I almost laughed my brains out.

It's actually a bit weird when that happens. You feel so bad that you almost cry. Think about it all night and fold the problems inside out but then as soon as you meet up with the person in question- it all goes away. This has happened to me a few times before. I've been mad and down but as soon as I met the person in question it was all gone.

I'm so tired that I don't even know what I'm writing here. So I'll just say goodnight and maybe you'll hear from me tomorrow!

And btw! You still suck for not leaving any comments. I'm starting to doubt that anyone actually reads this.

Become a nun?

Why do people care about what others think about them? And why do people love the ones who hurt them the most? It's easy to ask yourself those quiestions, but who's going to answer? I don't understand why the human being is so stupid and shallow.
I'm sick and tired of shallow subjects to talk about and I'm sick and tired of all those idiotic love songs that the radio keeps coughing up. I'm so sick of it that it makes me mad. Wherever I look around, it's all the same. Everyone seems to be talking about the same things, so I try to keep away. Why am I the only one who's gotten tired of all of this? Right now I feel like screaming. I'm very sorry to all the people I love, that I keep hiding away from you. But you must understand that I don't feel involved in your conversations anymore. They really don't interest me at all and I don't want to pretend to be interested anymore. So whenever you feel like talking about things like that, I'll back off and walk away. Shutting my ears is apparently not working anymore. It makes me frustrated. Makes me want to become a nun.

And WOAAAW, I'm updating my blog? TWICE IN ONE DAY? Fabulous, I tell you. Fabulous.
Well I said that I MIGHT update it once in a while. I'm thinking of starting to write properly again. There are a lot of things going on right now that I probably need to write about. Put my heart on a vent.

Thanks for reading, even though none of you are commenting! You suck :D

...

I can't help but feeling a bit left out.
I want to bring it up. I want to talk to you about it but I don't know how? When?
Is this really such big of a problem or am I just making things up? I don't know anymore. All I know is that I feel left out. Do you tell me everything that's on your mind nowadays? How come we don't see each other just for fun anymore? Am I a burden? I'm starting to panic, I don't know what to do. I can usually tell you everything, but this has stuck inside my heart and I can't force it to come out. I'm so afraid that we'll grow apart. That's the last thing that I want. But you don't seem happy anymore? You don't seem to engage in us anymore. Always busy. I hate to seem selfish but.. when is it my turn? It seems to me I'm last in the queue. Your negative tone is getting to me. It's getting to me and it's making an impact.
Smile.

I can't help but feeling a bit left out.